BY MIKE WARING - SEPTEMBER 2006

Until this year, Disney's Polynesian Resort remained one of the few Deluxe resorts at Walt Disney World that Mary and I had not yet visited. Along with the Contemporary, it was a resort that held little interest for us when compared to many of the other choices on Disney property. But over time we'd heard enough from other guests to pique our interest, so when the opportunity presented itself, we made reservations at the resort.

The Polynesian is in many respects a throwback. The resort is most definitely a product of its times, being designed in the 60s during the height of the craze for Polynesian food and architecture. The hotel opened in the early 70s as one of the two original Walt Disney World hotels, along with the Contemporary.

Whereas the Contemporary, in our opinion, hasn't really aged well, the Polynesian has survived and even prospered. Disney hasn't tried in the intervening years to make it into something it isn't. They've kept it pretty much as it was and built on its strengths. And as all things are wont to do, trends have come full circle and what was old and somewhat dated is now kitschy and fun.

The overall motif is, as one might expect, tropical, with lots of bamboo and batik prints, dark stained wood, and wicker furniture. The outdoor walkways around the main building, the Great Ceremonial House, are lined with oil fueled tiki torches which are lit at sundown. The landscaping is lush with tropical plants and foliage and fake lava rock. Tiki gods are spotted here and there around the grounds.

The resort consists of the aforementioned Great Ceremonial House (which we'll refer to as the GCH from now one since it's too cumbersome to keep writing it out every time, and because, as an ex-engineer, I like acronyms) and eleven smaller buildings which contain the 850 or so rooms. All of the outbuildings that house guest rooms are unconnected to the main building, except by outdoor paths. (Remember to bring an umbrella, as it has been known to rain in Florida on occasion.)

The guest room buildings are all either 2 or 3 floors high. The rooms on the second floor of the three story buildings do not have balconies. Only three of the eleven guest buildings are actually on the lagoon, but most of the other buildings have at least some rooms with a view of the water if that's your thing.

The resort has all the usual amenities that the Disney Deluxe resorts are known for. There is a marina with watercraft for use in the Seven Seas Lagoon. There are bikes for rent. There are two pools on the grounds. The main one is located behind the GCH and incorporates a volcano with a water slide. The secondary pool is a standard motel type pool with no interesting features. A game room can be found in one of the outbuildings next to the GCH.

The GCH contains all the restaurants and shops for the resort, as well as the monorail station and bus stops. The shops include BouTIKI and Trader Jack's, both selling the usual assortment of plush toys, as well as some Polynesian-themed clothing items (aloha shirts, etc). There is also Samoa Snacks, which is well suited to meet the junk food needs of the guests. In addition to all the above there's also a Wyland Gallery which sells aquatic related art and sculptures -- after all, there can never be too much shopping. It's interesting that the Polynesian, Contemporary and Grand Floridian have the greatest number of shops on site, whereas most of the other Deluxe resorts have to content themselves with just one or two retail establishments. I'm not sure what that says about the resorts or the people who stay in them. Maybe someone should do a pysch study.

On this trip we decided to stay in the concierge level rooms. This was a first for me, though not for Mary, who has sampled the delights of concierge rooms in several different resorts. (This may indicate to some an accurate idea of my status. It has raised questions in my mind. But Mary tells me her concierge room stays are business related and I shouldn't read anything into them.)

In any case this trip was my first experience with concierge and my feelings about it were mixed. One would expect that the concierge rooms would be upgraded significantly from the other resort accommodations where the common folk stay. But this isn't the case. The rooms are set up pretty much like all the other rooms. They are no larger and the appointments are no better. That said, the recent room renovations that Disney has underway are yielding a significantly improved product. The rooms are quite attractive with dark moldings, bamboo accents, and bright but not garish colors. The bathrooms are much more attractive than previously, with dark green stone countertops and tiles. The overall effect is quite pleasing and we were favorably impressed with the design of the room.

Getting back to the concierge rooms, we found that the snacks in the concierge lounge were nice, plentiful and varied. Sodas, juices, coffee, and teas are always available along with light snacks like crackers, fruit, and cookies. At breakfast there's a continental set up and in the evening there are hot hors d'oeuvres, wine and beer. But to be honest, after the novelty wore off we found we really didn't need the extra calories and after trying a couple of evening's hors d'oeuvres selections we started skipping them except for a beer or three and a glass of wine.

The one thing I really wanted was bottled water, which you can't get. (There are large bottles of water in the lounge that you can pour into glasses, but no individual bottles.) When I want something to quench my thirst, I want water - I don't find soda satisfying. Cans of soda are always available in a fridge in the lounge. Water is not. So basically the food and snacks, while nice, aren't something I really find appealing. I don't need the calories yet since I'm paying for it, I feel a bit obligated to take advantage of the goodies.

There are also several concierges available during daylight hours to handle any guest needs. We really didn't use their services as we are pretty familiar with Disney World. If, unlike us, you're only an occasional visitor, it is probable that the concierges can be pretty useful. For repeat visitors, though, I wonder how often you'd need to avail yourselves of the concierges' services.

When you consider the costs, I question whether concierge is an optimum use of your money. For instance, the lower level concierge rooms cost 31% more than the standard non-view rooms. The higher level concierge rooms (like the one we stayed in) also cost 31% more then a comparable view room. Since the rooms are pretty much the same, the difference is in the availability of services and the snacks. A couple during peak season will be paying $170 a day for snacks and personalized service (getting reservations for restaurants and the like). Personally, I'd rather stay in a standard room and treat myself to a special meal at one of my favorite restaurants, like Artist Point or California Grill, with the money saved.

We ate at two of the three restaurants at the Polynesian during our stay. The only one we skipped was Captain Cook's Snack Company, since we're already pretty familiar with the standard counter service offerings you'll find at most Walt Disney World Deluxe resorts. Of the two main restaurants, 'Ohana and Kona Café, we enjoyed Kona greatly, whereas we found 'Ohana not to our liking.

Kona Café is quite reminiscent of a coffee shop circa 1960, but updated substantially. The offerings are updated also. Breakfast has all the usual dishes: pancakes, eggs any which way, omelets and Eggs Benedict. There's also a signature dish - Tonga Toast - which is banana stuffed sourdough bread, rolled in cinnamon sugar and either deep fried or baked. Either way, the calories are substantial and you'll walk away from the table with a feeling of deep satisfaction and probably a bit of indigestion.

The one really standout item on the menu is the French press Kona coffee. If you like really strong coffee, roasted till there's a definite smoky aroma and taste, then Kona coffee is for you. It's expensive: $7.50 for a small French press pot, which is enough for around 3 or 4 cups. But we think it's really worth it.

Lunch and dinner at Kona Café are pretty similar, with dinner offering more substantial entrees. Many of the dishes have Asian fusion influences, like beef teriyaki salad or barbequed pork sandwiches. Standards like burgers, salads, and soups are available for those who want something simpler. The food is good, though not exceptional. Breakfast is definitely the highlight here, though if you want to sit down for a light meal after a long day in the parks, Kona Café is probably the best choice at the Polynesian.

'Ohana is a restaurant that we'd been planning to try for years, but there was always something else tugging us away. The restaurant concept is similar to the South American steak houses that serve meat on skewers, called rodizio or churrascaria. Basically it's an all-you-can-eat meat fest, and who doesn't like that?

'Ohana is a set menu that charges a flat rate: $26 for adults and $12 for children. The meal includes starters of fried wontons with various sauces and salad with a honey lime dressing. For appetizers (why one needs both starters and appetizers is unclear, and the difference might be between the two is even more murky) you get boiled shrimp and honey barbecue chicken wings. The skewers that are brought around include marinated sirloin steak, Asian barbecue pork loin, mesquite grilled turkey, and Hawaiian pork sausage with pineapple teriyaki glaze. On the side you get scalloped potatoes and stir fried veggies.

I'll give a thumbs up on the potatoes, as long as you carry around your own personal defibrilllator. It's a heart attack waiting to happen, though quite tasty. The salad was all right and the wings were… not my style. I'm just not a fan of the honey glazed wings, though they were okay as an example of the type. The fried wontons were not bad and the shrimp were overcooked, so not that good.

Moving onto the main courses, first the good news - if you like unlimited quantities of meat and you're not very picky about how the meat tastes, this is the place for you. The bad news is that the meat was all fairly dry and not particularly flavorful. This is a shame, as the meat is grilled over an open fire right in the middle of the dining room. Possibly the cuts aren't that good or the marinades aren't up to snuff. Or they were having a bad day. In any case we didn't much care for the meats. And pineapple glazed sausage is just an abomination. I'm sorry, it is.

The quantities served are immense -- far too much for two people. This restaurant is best suited for large family groups and the seating reflects this. Couples are seated over to one side of the restaurant, behind the grill area and are thus unable to see the entertainment that is showcased on the other side of the restaurant. So in essence, couples are the class nerds that are seated in a separate room from the rowdy goings-on of the rest of the cool kids.

The food, as I mentioned, is too much for two people, so you're left feeling like you're wasting a great deal of food. We don't particularly like leaving food behind but there really is no choice unless you're a world-class competitive eater. We, sadly, are not.

At this point I'd pop in a little review of the floor show that is offered at 'Ohana, if we'd actually seen any of it. We didn't. I think there was a woman who sang and got the kids involved in following her around and perhaps got them to sing also or something. Complete mystery to me. She was loud though.

So overall score for the Polynesian? Three thumbs up for mutants and two for the rest of us. We liked the theming and the feel of the place. It's a bit kitschy and a bit silly, but it's fun and really a getaway from plastic humdrum McHiltons.

We strongly recommend Kona Café for breakfast. It's a touch of coffee shop goodness that has sadly gone the way of the dodo in many parts of the country. Splurge and treat yourself to the Kona coffee. Lunch is all right. We assume dinner is equally acceptable, but since we didn't actually try it we can't be held responsible for substandard meals.

We don't recommend 'Ohana for couples, unless you're in training for the Grilled Meat Olympics. Family groups seem better suited for this restaurant. For your money you'll get enough meat to make a pride of lions happy. It's a pity that the quality of the food isn't better. For the price of admission we'd rather go to Boma at Animal Kingdom Lodge, for all you can eat splurgitude.

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