BY MIKE WARING

Part One - December 2007 - Holidays at Disney World

Today we start the quest to visit all Disney theme parks around the world. Oh, sure, there are some who attempt to climb the highest mountains on all seven continents. There are those who get themselves blasted into space (hopefully in one piece) to advance man’s understanding of the cosmos. And of course there are the people who try to eat 48 hot dogs in two minutes.

Then there’s us, intrepid adventurers with a credit card. We’re going to do all the Disney parks around the world, in less than four months. Fear for us.

The Disney Around the World Trip (brought to you by Metamucil, beloved of travelers everywhere) is but a small part of the larger and much, much more expensive Waring Round the World Trip (trademark pending) that we’ll be commencing in January. The Disney World visit is in December, which is technically in advance of the rest of the RTW trip, so we might be seen as fudging a little. We’re here ostensibly to check out the Christmas décor, though there might be a little eating done too. Once we get in gear we’ll check out Disneyland in California in January, followed in quick order by Hong Kong Disneyland, Tokyo Disney Resort, and finally Disneyland Resort Paris, aka Euro Disney. We had hoped to add Disney Iceland to the trip but apparently there’s some trouble with volcanoes erupting in the middle of the park or rampaging sheep or something.

This is our first trip to Disney World in December. It might possibly be our last. Although the decorations are quite the stunner, the crowds are a little larger than we find comfortable. Last night in Epcot we were shocked by the number of people who were getting in our way and impeding our progress. Our bodyguards made short work of them using cattle prods (only UL approved cattle prods were used) but there were always more, and soon the batteries on the prods wore down and people started rubbing shoulders with us. We were distressed. And in need of a deep cleansing antiseptic bath. But we soldiered on.

Anyway, December at Disney World, crowds, check. We knew this going in, as December is becoming more and more popular with the peoples. The worst week of the year is actually the one between Christmas and New Year's Day, while the two weeks after Thanksgiving were traditionally some of the least crowded. Once upon a time the whole month of December (except for après Christmas) was fairly dead and a boon to bargain seekers and the socially inept. It seems that this is no longer true. Well, at least we still have January.

So last night, Saturday, was quite crowded. We’ll see how the rest of the week goes, though the hordes down in the hotel lobby this morning that were in between me and my coffee (a position you don’t want to be in, believe me) didn’t seem encouraging. Attempts to get the front desk to send a bunch of people home have suffered defeat. Something about profits. As we’ll be here through Wednesday, I am hoping we’ll see a slight drop in the number of patrons during the weekdays, but I think we’ll be able to survive even without it, especially if the bodyguards can get the high capacity batteries for the cattle prods.

At this point we’ve managed to check out the decorations at the Wilderness Lodge and the Grand Floridian, as well as the Beach and Yacht Club resorts. My favorite tree so far is the one at the Wilderness Lodge, which like all the trees in the Deluxe resorts is something like 30-40 feet tall. It brings out my feelings of male inadequacy and I feel tempted to go home and throw out my puny 10 foot tree in order to get something that will need a crane or contractors to install. Anyway, the Wilderness Lodge tree appeals to me because of the use of ornaments like birch bark canoes and deer and moose antlers. Mary has pretty much denied my appeals for tree ornaments like that, much like she prohibited my purchase of a moose head to go over the mantle. I suspect she has something against our forest friends.

Tonight we will check out the remaining Deluxe resorts and their decorations as well as the Osborne Lights at Disney-MGM Studios (soon to be Disney's Hollywood Studios). I’m not too familiar with the overall story, but apparently in yet another tragic, yet understandable example of male overreaching, a Mr. Osborne of Arkansas over the years acquired enough Christmas tree lights and decorations to equip a small city. Or a theme park. Eventually neighbors began to complain about the disruption to their circadian rhythms from the bright lights which led to a lack of sleep, inability to procreate, and reversion to earlier and much more violent human ancestral forms. Or excessive irritability, which is pretty much the same thing.

At some point Mr. Osborne decided to give his lights to Disney and they have incorporated them into a display at the aforementioned park. So we’ll check them out tonight, right after we get some grub at Bistro de Paris. Do French food and Arkansas Christmas lights go together? Check in and see during our next installment.

Part Two - December 2007 - Holidays at Disney World

We're still here in the land of merry mice and somewhat irritable and impoverished parents. I’m quite surprised by the number of people partaking of Christmas cheer here in the middle of Florida, though Mary isn’t. She keeps up on issues like attendance, while I wander around in my little cloud of blissful ignorance.

On the other hand, there is a method to the madness inherent in the concept of Christmas in Florida, I suspect. Think about it: jet off to Disney World, check out the Christmas décor and forget about having to haul out all the lights and wreaths at home. No buying trees that start dropping needles 25 seconds after you get them home. No slush and snow to wade through, no Christmas parties where you have to laugh at all the boss’ attempts to appear cool and relevant by repeating catch phrases from The Office. Now that I’m pondering it, I’m somewhat surprised that fully half the population of the Lower Forty Eight aren’t here right now. Though sometimes it feels like they are.

At this point we’ve pretty much finished checking out the Christmas decorations and we pronounce them good. Some venues are of course much better than others. Of the deluxe hotels, the Wilderness Lodge and the Grand Floridian are the most Christmas-y. The Yacht Club and Beach Club come in a somewhat distant second, though the edible gingerbread carousel in the Beach Club lobby is pretty cool.

Because of construction, this year the Contemporary isn’t as done up as much as many of the other hotels, plus the low-ceilinged lobby doesn’t really permit the use of the really large Christmas trees you'll find at the other Deluxe hotels. In fact, the Contemporary's main tree is outside in front of the hotel. We didn’t actually notice it until last night when we were taking the boat back from the Magic Kingdom to the Wilderness Lodge. The Polynesian only has a few wreaths and boughs here and there (and a few million poinsettias), but then again it’s the tropics (and thus completely different from Central Florida), so excessive displays of Christmas cheer and jollity are perhaps somewhat out of place.

The parks themselves are all decorated extravagantly, almost to excess. Disney-MGM Studios (soon to become Disney's Hollywood Studios) is the wildest, with huge trees out front and wreaths and lighted stars everywhere. The there are the Osborne Lights that have been installed in the New York Street area. They are some of the most over the top displays either of us of have ever seen. Indeed it’s almost a relief to see them: I now have no desire to ever dress the house up in lights, since I will never, ever even come close to competing with that display. It’s actually hard to describe how insane the whole thing is. So we have a picture. They’ve also added in faux falling snow and musical accompaniment to make the whole thing even more surreal.

The Magic Kingdom is, of course, probably the best decorated of all the parks. Wreaths, trees and bunting adorn every available surface, or so it seems. This year Cinderella Castle has been decorated with a new light display that makes it look uncannily like the whole structure is covered with glittering ice. The constant piping of Christmas music will sooner or later cause someone to go insane, but that’s the price you pay for endless, unrelenting, unstoppable holiday cheer.

Disney’s Animal Kingdom didn’t have much in the way of displayed holiday cheer (just a tree out front and a little bunting on some of the shops), though I’m sure all the Cast Members are celebrating quietly, in their hearts. I suspect that there was a Disney marketer or three who proposed having the tigers wear Santa caps, which would have been cool but only if the marketers themselves were forced to hang the caps on the tigers. Hopefully while wearing a barbequed pork loin necktie. Now I know what’s going to be on my wish list to Santa.

Epcot has a wide variety of decorations. In World Showcase, they vary from country to country in the World Showcase. Some countries, of course, had little Christmas cheer (like Morocco) while others, such as Germany, had a wild abundance. We had a pleasant time checking them all out.

As an added fillip we also attended a performance of the Candlelight Processional in Epcot. This is a musical performance with a celebrity orator who tells the Christmas Story from the Bible, interspersed with hymns and carols sung by choirs from local high schools as well as a choir made up of Disney Cast Members who volunteer their time. It is quite impressive and I enjoyed it. It’s very popular and the only way to ensure that one gets a seat is to get there early. We did look over the dinner packages that come with guaranteed seating at the Processional, but decided that the whole package just wasn’t worth the price. The main problem is that for all of the Processionals they require that you to eat before the concert and in all cases you have to eat quite early. In the case of the earliest show of the evening you will actually be eating a late lunch.

So we have faced Christmas in the World, and have pronounced it good. I still have a little trouble getting into the Xmas spirit when the weather is sunny and 80 degrees, but apparently this is just a failing on my part. As a Coloradoan, it's kind of hard to top the Christmasy-ness of home, so I’m not sure I’d want to come often and spend the holiday season at Disney World. But it does make an interesting change of pace.

At our favorite hotel, the Wilderness Lodge, the grounds and staff were great as always. The remodel of Roaring Forks, the counter service restaurant, has been complete for quite awhile, but this was my first chance to visit it since it was redone. To be honest I can’t figure out why they bothered. It’s still much too small a space for the crowds that descend on it during meal times and the layout is not efficient for moving people though it. On the other hand, some of the newer food offerings are nice, like the flatbread pizzas.

We visited the Haunted Mansion for the first time since it was revamped and it was very nicely done. I was very impressed with some of the new design elements and effects they’ve incorporated. Be sure to check it out.

Mary's brother Don had an opportunity to ride Spaceship Earth at Epcot, which is currently in a "soft opening" phase. [SPOILERS AHEAD] He reports, "It's basically the same ride, but with new narration, some upgraded Animatronics, and a new end section that doesn't seem quite so dated. While you're backing down the long hill at the end, they use a touch screen in each car to ask you some questions about what kind of future you'd like to see, then show a customized animated film showing what your future would be like. It was cute. The people in the front of my car got a very different video from mine. They also have new interactive exhibits in the exit hall. A Cast Member told me they're not completely done with the ride yet. My guess is that they're going to upgrade some more Animatronics, because the ones at the beginning are great - very smooth and lifelike - but by the end they're pretty stiff. The exit hall seemed like it had a lot of room for more exhibits, and there was a temporary sign saying 'we are building the future.'"

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